The Plagued Trader

Isle of Wight Observer September 21 1878

A tradesman  of the town of Ryde
Has foolishly complained one day,
That he is bored by “Demoiselles”,
Who come and waste his time away.
A remedy I would suggest –
If he his name would but set down,
He quickly would be left in peace
By every lady in the town.

For so it seems this simple man –
This “Trader” insolent of Ryde –
Seems somehow to attract the girls
Unto his shop from far and wide.
He says his goods will never suit
The fancy of these charming belles,
Why then it must be he himself
That captivates these “Demoiselles!”

I own I think it very strange
That all the old folks keep aloof,
And that he only can attract
The younger ones beneath his roof.
But so his troubles may be known,
Those who will read the following rhyme
Will see how these young ladies waste
His own and his assistant’s time.

He scarcely has his work begun
Ere they come flocking by the score,
In such great numbers to his shop –
There really is no room for more.
And then it almost drives him wild –
One asks for this and one for that;
And those who cannot yet be served
Quite stun him with incessant chat.

As one young lady then will say,
I really knew not what to do,
And so to while away the time
I thought I would drop in on you.
Turns over this and upsets that;
Finds this thing will no do at all;
Sweeps slowly from the shop, and says
I hope quite soon again to call.

And under circumstances such,
‘Tis natural that he should abuse,
And so, for once, I think that we
His insolence may well excuse.
So worried is he every day,
He knows not hardly what he sells;
His head is turned – oh, pity him! –
By all these “plaguing demoiselles.”
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